So is that what attracted you to her?
The fact that she needed you?
The fact that I could be me...with her.
I know this hurts.
But the only truth I knew...
...was when I was with her.
I need you tho hear that. I need....
...you to know...
...and understand where I'm coming from.
If....
...There's any hope of saving our marriage....
Routine.
That was what my life had become.
A giant assembly line.
Just a series of same actions repeated day in, and day out, for years.
[alarm rings]
Hey, you better get up. You're gonna be late for work.
I never questioned what I was doing or where I was going.
I just moved blindly through life from point A to point B.
A slave to monotony and predictability.
I knew that life didn't have to be that way.
I knew it wasn't some giant inevitability that marriage equated to boredom and complacency...
...because I saw how vibrant, authentic, honest, and happy...
...other married people seem to be.
Really curious about double-penetration with Roy...
Vickie had been my friend and coworker for 6 years...
...she was as free as they come.
...refreshingly unapologetic...
...in who she was...and blissfully married to the love of her life...
Excuse me, everyone!
But I'd like to say a few words before I lose everyone to the effects of booze...
...weed or whatever other drugs you might've struggled in here.
17 years ago....
...I met Vickie McDaniels...
...one of the most incredibly beautiful...
...and insanely honest...and emotionally crazy women I've ever met in my life.
3 weeks later...we were married.
Everyone said we...were too young...
...that we'd be divorced within a year...
My mother even suggested we have the marriage annulled.
But I knew better.
I knew she was the girl for me.
I think you for 17 of the best years of my life...
You love me...love me for who I am...
...accepting me for who I'm not without any judgment or criticism.
I love you sweetheart.
It's the 17 years of proving everyone they're wrong...
Ahhh! Congratulations!
I don't know why he thinks the relationship is so much better than everyone else's just because....
...they knew each other for 3 weeks before they got married.
That was exactly his point.
Oh, look at us. We only dated for 3 weeks and we're still together 17 years later.
We're better...
Why do you...
Because that is so phony, Drew.
They're trying to show how happy they are together.
If you're happy together, you don't have to prove it to anyone.
They are kind of like us.
They are happy.
You know them better than I do.
Thank you so much for coming tonight. It means so much to both of us to have you here.
We wouldn't have missed it for the world!
Congratulations! You two look so happy together.
We are happy.
I'm gonna have another cigarette, outside.
I thought you were trying to quit?
Well...
Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
Yeah. Cool. Thanks.
Yeah.
3 weeks can turn into 17 years real quick.
Yeah, it's quite the story brook romance.
I think it's just incredible, they're just...
...defying all the odds and proving the naysayers wrong...
It's very Romeo and Juliet without all that...
...mutual suicide!
How do you know them?
I think he's my aunt actually.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
I've actually worked with her for 6 years. She's a great lady. She's really great.
Love her.
Wait! Are you the uhh...
Are you the niece who does amazing photography?
Oh, my god! Did she say amazing? She's really exaggerating.
But yeah, I'm her niece.
I've seen it. It's really amazing stuff? Wow, thank you.
I've been going to school now for a couple of years trying to perfect my technique...
...It's getting there.
Mmmm. Yeah.
Did you get any interesting shots in there? Yeah, I did.
Got a lot.
Take a look at this one.
Why do you say that?
There's just so much more going on with you than you're projecting in that moment.
A lot in your lines right there.
I was just zoning out.
No the camera doesn't lie.
I've been photographing people for years now.
What are you, like 20?
You haven't been doing anything for years yet.
No, I've been shooting since I was 15. So that's 10 years now.
I'm, uh, I'm Mimi by the way.
Drew.
[sighs]
See you around. Yeah.
I feel horrible about the party.
Stop beating yourself up about it.
I know you're not a fan of Vickie and her husband but uh....
...I don't need you to like them. It's OK.
No. I don't feel horrible about hating Vickie and Roy...
I feel horrible about...I've been right all along about their relationship.
What are you talking about?
I saw them...with another woman...in their bathroom.
You what?!
Yes. A three way!
Right in front of me! It was like a circus act or something.
During the party? Yes, at the party!
I was in the master bathroom peeing, waiting for you to finish your cigarette....
And all of the sudden I hear a noise. So I went to peak out...
And I saw Roy with another woman...
...which I thought, he was having an affair....
...which would be hilarious, given the fact that he's so...
...in love with Vickie.
They're touching each other and groping.
...Kissing.
Fuck ....
And then they start heading toward the bathroom that I'm in...
So I freaked out! Jumped in the shower and shut the curtain....
...and just hoped they wouldn't hear me.
Vickie walked in.
And I'm thinking that she's going to yell at Roy for cheating on her.
But she joined in!
This was clearly a threesome they had planned!
Happy Anniversary, baby!
Love you. Love you, amazing guy!
Oh.
That's hilarious.
No! It was horrifying!
Now do you see what I mean when I say phony?
They're sexual deviants, Drew.
Sexual deviants can be happily married.
Let us hope they sanitize the bathroom.
I mean they had people at their house.
Couldn't he have waited until everyone left?
It's called "passion" Christine.
Spontaneity....
I tell you what...after 17 years of marriage...
...that's pretty impressive.
Well, I think it's barbaric.
[laughing]
God! Is she okay? No. She's completely scarred.
She should have just said something.
I think she's too afraid.
What? That we were going to ask her to join in?
I mean....it wouldn't have been completely out of the question.
It might loosen her up a bit.
There's no loosening Christine up.
Well, as long as she's happy being that way.
The truth was...
...I didn't know if Christine was happy being that way.
For as long as I had known her...
...she had been straight and narrow in every aspect of her life.
And no amount of loosening her up...
...will seem to work.
I bought her new lingerie.
I hate that color.
Sex toys.
Are you kidding me?
Even attempted spontaneous foreplay.
Whoa!
No! Come on! No!
No, Drew!
I began to wonder if the root of our problems had more to do with my...
...inability to vocalize...those problems than they did her inability to unwind.
Why couldn't I just tell her how I felt?
So there I was.
Going through the motions of life like a zombie.
Craving change.
Unsure where to find it.
Waiting for it to ... somehow find me.
And then it did.
Hi! Hi!!!
How are you? Good. How are you?
I just brought these from your uncle Roy. What do you think?
Huh! I mean they're fun.
They say, "hard at work!"
Yeah.
That's not something I need to see.
Oh, do you like those better?
No, I don't.
[laughs] Crazy.
Hi. I actually came by to ask you a favor.
Hey, umm, ... I got a project from my art class.
...And they want us to...
Have a subject portrayed as a....
...whole set of emotions like anger....
You know, kind of exposed that a little bit...
...but if you would feel comfortable doing that...?
Would you want to come over to my studio and let me shoot you?
Sit down and talk...
....
... Sure...
Do that... Is that cool?
Maybe we'll just talk a little bit...and...
Well thanks...I mean, I like that picture that I took of you....
...so I mean...
I just like the way you photograph. I can work with that.
[laughs]....
So...umm....
Cool... That's exciting.
Thank you, I'll give you a call.
Bye. Bye.
You okay?
Wow! This is...
This is the real deal, huh?
It is....!
All this equipment...you own...?
Wow, this is a pretty big adjustment.
Being a photographer...
Can you just sit up?
Yes, you had asked me earlier what I wanted to be...
...when I was younger....
Actually I had huge aspirations for being a pilot. Wanted to fly planes, yeah.
My dad would take out these planes. We would fly...
...Inside the cockpit it was very interesting.
We've been standing out there for like 6 hours!
And like we're almost naked. I got a pacifier in my mouth...
...and wearing this weird diaper and stuff...
And it dawned on me...I do not want to be in a fraternity.
The techniques she used to achieve a variety of emotional shots...
...involved me sharing stories about my life.
Everything from my wildest dreams...
...to my biggest fears...
From my greatest accomplishments to my worst regrets.
I don't know what it was about Mimi, but...
...I never felt more comfortable in my own skin than I did when I was with her.
Nowadays nobody wants to step in and do anything. Everybody's afraid.
It was really despicable what these guys did to that...
You know and...the broken ribs....
...the night in jail....well worth it.
So I come home one day and on my apartment door...is this big handwritten letter.
...and it says, "please close your windows while having sex!"
Exclamation point.
I mean we just started dating...
And making love all the time...
...This is so embarrassing!
But you know I felt good. Cause...
...you know you're having really good sex when your neighbors are begging you to close your windows.
I guess that's a good sign!
You lose a piece of yourself when your parents die.
My parents were the one constant thing I had in my life.
When my mom passed away...
...I realized there was nothing, absolutely nothing in life...
...that's permanent.
Thank you again for letting me shoot you again today.
Thank you for...letting me be a part of your project.
It was a pleasure.
You know I haven't been this open...my entire life.
I'm really glad you were.
We got great shots today, so...
...I'll bring some by when they're done.
Oh, yeah, I'd like that.
Thanks. You know...
...I was thinking...inside there...
...I've been married 15 years to my wife...
...and I don't think she knows any of the stories I told you today.
Hey. Those ankle weights I ordered ever come in the mail?
I don't think so.
God! I hate ordering stuff off the internet! Remind me to never do that again.
Christine had always been fiercely independent. Had always done her own thing.
It was what drew me to her initially.
Her independence.
She wasn't needy or demanding like my previous girlfriends had been.
She did her own thing. Held her own ground.
Got a ten-mile run today. Probably grab dinner with the team, so you're on your own.
Okey dokey.
But over time I realized....
...I wanted to be leaned on.
I wanted to be needed.
And Christine didn't really need...anyone.
Guess who called me during marathon training today?
Who? Vickie.
What did she have to say?
Oh, she thought it was important for me to know you were seducing her niece today!
She's 25 years old, Drew!
Did you know that?!
You could be her father!
You're despicable!
The next week I was consumed with guilt over what I had done.
I kept replaying the kiss in my mind over and over again.
I wrong it was. How right it felt.
How reckless I had been.
Did Vickie know?
It was overwhelming!
Thinking that I had somehow failed my wife. That I had wronged our marriage.
So I did what I had to do.
To try and right the wrong.
To try and convince myself that what we had wasn't worth losing ... for anything.
What are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm trying to please and excite my wife.
Oh, come on, Drew! You know I have an 18 mile run tomorrow.
Christine.
Drew!
Please.
So soft in my mouth.
Oh, Drew.
Oh, thank you.
But my feelings for Mimi lingered.
For whatever reason, I just couldn't shake her.
So...I have a question. And I can't give you all the details, but I need brutal honesty.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Why can't you give me all the details?
I just can't. I can't.
Well, how am I supposed to give you advice if I don't know what the hell you're talking about?
Because we've been friends forever, and you know the person I am.
You know what I would do. So just base it off of that.
OK. I'll try the best I can.
OK. So if you know something is really wrong...
...unequivocally wrong...
...but your gut is telling you to do it. Which one do you listen to?
Well, if you know it's innately wrong...
...then your gut wouldn't be telling you to do it in the first place?
What is that!
It's a dildo.
Yeah, I recognized that!
You're not going to use that on yourself are you?
No, I'm going to stick it up my husband's ass.
Yes, I'm going to use it on myself! Why wouldn't I?
I don't know.
Doesn't that intimidate Roy?
Roy's the one who ordered it for me!
Why does that not surprise me
We're trying double penetration this weekend. I figured I'd start with the dildo...
...and then work my way into the real penis.
OK. You're weekend's blocked out. I get it.
[phone rings]
Vickie McDaniels.
Hi!
Oh yeah?
Vickie was so direct. So open.
So free with every single thing she did or thought...
I really wanted to know what that felt like.
To really say what I felt.
To do what I felt.
Not censor myself for fear of being judged.
The only time I had ever felt that way....
...was with Mimi.
Hi Drew.
Oh, Mimi, Vickie's gone for the day.
Oh, so sorry to come uninvited. I'm actually here to see you.
There are copies of the pictures we shot.
Oh. Yeah.
Thank you. They came out really good.
So I think you'll be proud.
Can I look at them. Please do. OK.
Wow.
Yeah.
[laughs] I remember that.
I couldn't stop thinking about you!
What are you doing?
Like any affair, things started off intensely.
Having sex wherever and whenever possible.
And for whatever reason, the guilt I had felt before was suddenly gone.
Looking back it seemed odd that I felt less guilty the more things progressed.
Maybe I just wanted this too badly to let the guilt ruin it.
Every prevailing thought was about my relationship with Mimi.
And the next moment I would get to spend with her.
I finally had something to look forward to.
[alarm clock sounds]
You're up early.
Yeah....
And for the first time in, it felt like forever, I was actually living.
Not just getting by.
You're happy today.
How do you know I'm happy?
It's permeating through the air.
That's nice.
Embrace it! It suits you.
How could I not be happy?
For the first time in my life, I had a relationship that was both emotionally and physically fulfilling.
I was totally unguarded.
I could share absolutely anything with Mimi without fear of being criticized or judged...
Aside from Vickie....
...she was the most open person I knew.
Wise beyond her years.
A friend to me. Not just a lover.
We laughed often.
Encouraged one another's hopes and dreams.
Enjoyed a sense of freedom I'd never known with Christine.
But as with every affair...
Reality rears its ugly head at one point or another...
You know I'll figure out a way to make that happen.
I know. I just...really want to know what it's like to wake up next to you.
I hate that I can't.
Does your roommate mind? Does ... know about us?
Yeah, he knows and he thinks it's wrong.
He just doesn't get it.
I just don't think I want to subject ourselves to that sort of negativity right now.
Yeah. I will get ourselves a hotel room in the next week or so.
You'd really do that?
Of course.
I'm a bit frustrated myself, so....
Listen, I got to go. So I'll call you in the morning.
OK. Sweet dreams.
Bye.
Who were you talking to just now?
What?
It's almost midnight. Who were you talking to?
Vickie.
I didn't want to keep you up taking the call in here.
Why were you talking to Vickie about getting a hotel room?
Because we're taking a business trip.
And she's talking about saving the company money, staying with her sister, and...
...We'll just get a hotel.
Hmm. When is the trip?
Not for a few weeks if we take the trip at all.
And suddenly, all the guilt I thought I was immune to...
...had returned full force.
Blind to Christine felt wrong.
I was sick about it. But I was terrified to...
...to come clean.
Terrified to admit that a relationship that I had spent nearly 20 years of my life in...
...had somehow failed.
Living more honestly had ironically propelled me into the affair to begin with.
Now here I was. Lying again.
Deleting text messages.
Voicemails...emails...
Afraid to admit what I really needed...
...in an effort to protect what I no longer wanted.
How could you do something so selfish?
I know, I know that it's wrong. But I can't help how I feel.
Don't get mad at me for saying this....but....
...married men never leave their wives, Mimi.
You actually think that he's in love with you don't you?
Yeah, I do.
Mimi? Seriously?
I know I sound like every other stupid girl that falls in love with a married man, but this is different.
Every woman that falls in love with a married man thinks that she's somehow different.
But you're not any different. You're a walking cliché.
You're half his age for chrissake!
It's not what you think.
It's never what anyone thinks.
Just don't get too wrapped up in thinking that you have some future with him, cause...
...you don't. He's never gonna leave his wife.
Trust me.
Mimi shared her concerns with me.
Her fear was that I wasn't in this for the long haul.
And as much as I tried to convince her that my intentions were sincere...
...my actions began to fall short.
I'm so sorry Mimi, I'm gonna have to take a rain check for tonight.
What happened?
Christine's car battery is dead and AAA hasn't shown up.
Oh...
OK, don't worry about it.
It's your birthday. Oh god, I feel so terrible about this.
Don't worry about it. We can celebrate next week.
I promise. I'm going to make this up to you ten-fold.
I know you will.
The problem is...
...you can't sustain two independent relationships without one of them getting the brunt of the sacrifice.
I couldn't be in two places at once.
And no matter how badly I wanted to be with her...
...I still had an obligation to Christine and our marriage.
Missing Mimi's birthday was the first of many events I couldn't meet.
But none more important than her gallery opening.
None of my teachers are coming.
Maybe one photography teacher and a journalism teacher....and a couple of friends...
But you'll be there, right?
Absolutely! I promise I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world.
Good, cause I know we can't hold hands or be affectionate...but...
...it would mean so much to me if you were there...
For my first big show.
I will be there.
And I'll be there after...
...for our celebration.
Sushi....? Sushi.
Oh, you tiny girl...
What's wrong?
Dad had a heart attack!
He's in the hospital.
Is he going to be okay?
Yeah, they think he's gonna be fine.
But I think I might head up there this weekend.
Yeah, of course, of course!
Drew, I'd really like it if you'd come with me.
I'm afraid I might fall apart on this one if I do it alone.
It was the first time...
...in a long time.
Christine had admitted to needing me emotionally.
And even though the timing couldn't have been worse...
How could I say "no"?
Hey. Hey.
I was just hanging this on that.
Right in the middle.
It's my favorite one of you.
What's wrong?
You okay?
Christine's father had a heart attack.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry is he okay? Is he alive?
Yeah. Yeah.
He's OK.
We're gonna drive up there tomorrow afternoon.
Which means...
Yeah. I understand.
You know...if I could be here to support you...
...your big night...I would be.
[Sighs]
I know you would.
It's really amazing work though.
I think everybody's gonna be so impressed with you.
You know it's funny...
...is this entire year, I've never once asked you about your wife.
I thought that...I could be your escape.
That if I pretended that she didn't exist then I could pretend that I wasn't just your mistress.
You're not just my mistress...
By anyone else's definition that is exactly what I am!
My dad cheated on my mom.
I never told you that because it devastated her.
I saw what that did to somebody!
I saw how much that hurt, and I swore I would never do that to somebody!
But...
...you know look at me...I'm just a hypocrite.
This is different Mimi.
How is it different?
I mean really!
Because I'm in love with you.
And I know deep down in my gut...
...that I can't feel for anyone...
...the way that I feel for you.
If you understood his direction for life...it got too boring.
That's not true.
But it is.
If you were truly unhappy with her...
...and what we really had meant something then why would you stay married?
I was married to Christine for close to 20 years!
That's almost as long as you've been alive!
That's a huge amount to walk away from.
It's also a helluva lot to compete with.
I'm not asking you to compete.
I can't.
I can't do this anymore.
What?!
I can't be your fallback relationship.
I can't be the person who's waiting around for your marriage to fall apart.
I don't want to be with you if it means sneaking around.
Borrowed time.
Spending birthdays and holidays and monumental events in my life...
...without you!
Because you should be at home with your wife.
I know that anybody listening to me right now would think that I'm...
...selfish brat and just trying to ruin a marriage.
But it was never my intention.
I didn't mean to fall in love with a married man, but I did.
And I love him.
With all of my heart and my soul.
But I can't...I can't do this anymore.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that I can't share you.
I'm sorry.
And just like that...
...it was over.
jesus...you're home late!
Where were you?
Out.
Are you okay?
No....
And I know that you're just gonna wanna say, "I told you so". But don't, please.
Even though it's over, it wasn't what you think it was.
It was...it was...real.
He's really incredible.
I'm upset.
I would never say, "I told you so".
I just wish it didn't have to hurt so bad.
That I could just wake up tomorrow and...
...forget him and...
...forget the life we'll never have together.
What are you doing?
Helping you forget.
You can sleep in my room tonight if you want.
No I can't.
I can't sleep with you tonight.
I just...I don't even know...
...where my head is.
I don't know if I should be...
...angry or devastated or sad.
It's just a lot to take in. So I just...
...I need to sleep in my room.
Wanna talk about it?
About what?
What's troubling you.
No
Is it Mimi?
I know Drew.
I've known.
You know about what?
Everything. Since the beginning.
And I'm not judging you.
Don't worry.
Why didn't you say anything then?
Because she asked me not to, and my loyalty is to her!
How is she?
I wanna know how you are?
[sighs] Torn up.
Conflicted. Confused.
Unhappy. Brokenhearted.
You want me to go on?
If you'd like.
I never intended to fall in love with her.
I'm not the stereotypical guy that cheats on his wife with a younger woman.
So what are going to do?
I've spent most of my adult life with Christine.
If I walk away...
...I throw all that time away.
Like it's meaningless.
Spending time with someone is never meaningless.
Yeah, I know.
But you need to ask yourself...
...do you want to spend the rest of your life...
...in a marriage with someone who isn't your ideal companion?
In hopes that one day she'll change?
I just...
I just...think Christine deserves a chance.
Then work it out with her.
But be honest.
Be honest...
..about everything. What...
...you did...
...what you want...what was missing.
The worst thing you could ever do is lie to yourself.
Better to spend 15 years in a bad marriage than 30, Drew.
I didn't know where to begin with Christine...
...but I decided to start with the truth.
At first she was disgusted by me.
How could you?!
How could you do this?!
And when the anger subsided, she fell into a deep depression that I couldn't pull her out of for weeks.
But eventually she came around and decided it was time for us to talk.
Why did you do it?
Because I felt trapped.
Trapped?
I never held you back!
I never put any demands on you! I know and I didn't mean it that way.
I just didn't feel free.
Marriage isn't about freedom, Drew. It's about commitment!
I'm not talking about free to go sleep with people!
It's exactly what you did.
Christine we spent 15 years tiptoeing around our marriage!
We never opened up. We never shared anything!
We just functioned.
We functioned like two autonomous creatures.
We never had any real connection with each other.
If that's how you felt then why did you marry me in the first place!
Because that's what I loved about you in the first place!
I loved your strength!
I loved your independence!
...and emotional hardness.
I loved the fact that I didn't need to be the grounding force.
In your life...all the time.
And what changed?
I got tired.
I got tired of living on the surface.
Never sharing how I felt...
...never honoring who I was!
I saw how strong you were.
I saw that you didn't need me.
And that scared me...to need you!
To...try to feel comfortable sharing something with you.
So is that what attracted you to her?
The fact that she needed you?
The fact that I could me ... with her.
I know this hurts.
The only truth I knew...
...is when I was with her.
I need you to hear that....I need...
...you to know...
...and understand where I'm coming from.
If....If there's any hope of saving our marriage.
Christine and I spent the next year...
...trying to recover from my affair.
But ... no matter how much work we put into things...
...it always fell short to the way I felt when with Mimi.
Are you still in love with her?
Desperately.
Hey.
Hi.
I see your shooting daisies now.
Uh, yeah.
They've always been my favorite.
Yeah, I remember.
What are you doing here?
What do you mean?
I just came to tell you...
I'm really sorry about the way things went down between you and I.
Me too.
You know...
...sometimes it feels like...
...one has to go down this...convoluted...
...fucked up road...
...to get to where they need to be.
Well as long as you end up there eventually, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well I have.
Where is that?
Right here....with you.
I don't know if you're in a relationship...or...
...what your situation is, but ...uh...
...I'm single now.
And...if you're single too....
...I'd like another shot.
Another chance to start things over with you...the right way.
Fully committed.
Fully...ready to give this relationship what it deserves.
I know what our situation must look like to the outside world.
Fuck the outside world!
OK. I cheated. You were the woman I cheated with.
And I did everything all the wrong way.
But I'll be damned if I'll be vilified!
From the outside world for falling in love with you.
Mimi, we're not the cliché!
What we have is real.
All the naysayers can say our relationship was doomed from the beginning, but...
...I'm ready to prove them wrong.
I'm...
I'm not seeing anyone.
The best things in life don't always fall into place perfectly.
But if their meant to be...
...they'll fall into place somehow.
There are a lot of people who will tell you that betrayal is the worst thing in the world.
That it can never amount to anything but pain and suffering and hurt.
And most of the time these people are right!2
But in my situation...the betrayal saved me.
And it saved Christine.
It taught us to live more honestly.
To not deny who we were and what we needed.
And for the first time in our lives...
...it gave us the chance to know true and lasting freedom.
...within the routine of life.